Greetings to all. I read something the other day that said, “your first draft is not crap.” Essentially, it is a foundation and a bridge to greater things. I don’t know where I am going with this, but it’s going to be rough for sure. I have many, many, distractions and I’m granting myself larger room for error. Let’s just say that many of our sails are running at half mast at the moment. What may look like easy gliding, could actually be engines thrusting below deck pumping on all cylinders. I don’t know sh*t about sailing.
So, I moved my piles of laundry and set up a study area for my kids on an elongated fold-out Costco table right next to my sewing machine. To my right, is my sewing tomato adorned with a wild assortment of spring colored pins, and to my left, I have piles of mask cut-outs with even more pins. My bobbin is wound, and rearing to go, but for some reason I am not.
Yesterday, I was all about the “get off your duff and do something phase.” You know how it goes, “The best way to help yourself is to help others, ” and “the best way to get out of your head is to be of service.” I was hell bent and determined that I was going to sew a mask for everyone I knew, and then leave them on the porches for neighbors I hardly knew.
When my children who are on a military base in Hawaii told me that they were having mask shortages, I cut up an entire cotton sheet and was determined to make masks for the whole entire United States Marines. I was really going through a Rosie Riveter phase. Then, I was going to make masks for my husband’s work, and message all my nurse friends to see if they needed masks. Now today, I am tired. Like, emotionally exhausted from all the masks I was going to make. I can’t sew all these masks for EVERYONE. What was I thinking? I’m thinking now more in terms of one mask at a time.
So, for now, the sewing sits. Before I get all disappointed in myself I have to understand that a Rosie the Riveter phase will come again. It could come in a few hours, it could come tomorrow, it could happen in a half hour. I’m just really all over the place, but another Rosie the Riveter moment will come and when it does I will hammer away at those masks. The hardest part of all of this for me, with the autistic mind that I have, is that it’s been really hard for me to focus. That is the first place where stress will manifest itself in my life.
I am also dealing with the emotions of the little people in my life. My son woke up in a good mood, and Bingo an hour later, he was extremely agitated. He’s like a caged tiger in here. My daughter just wanted me to shave the bottom part of her head, and the mom in me who said a few weeks ago, “WHAT? you shaved your head?” Is now saying, “Sure, let’s shave your head.” That same woman, sat and held my daughter on the couch while we listened to True Colors by Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick. She has a strong group of LGBTQ friends at school and I realized I needed to fill that void for her and I cried my eyes out.
It’s so hard trying to fill all those colorful shoes, all the crutches that my children have come to count on that aren’t just me, especially now that they could use them most, in this great wide world that has become such a confusing place. My other daughter messaged me today and said, “mom, let’s plant some seeds today.” It brought back a time of when she was little and she and I planted what we called “our secret garden.” So today, I brushed hair off a razor, tried my best to help my son to cool his jets, and I’ll be planting seeds with my daughter in a few hours. The masks will just have to wait.
I went to bed wanting to hammer out those masks bright and early. I heard my husband leave for work and I went for that morning cup of coffee and paused. I put the coffee maker back in it’s slot and said, “I’m going back to sleep today. ” I woke up an hour or so later, with three thoughts, “Homemade chicken noodles, Wassail, and Ginger snaps.” That’s what I needed today, and who am I to question? I’m just basically listening to the inner promptings from god knows where, and what they are telling me to do at the moment even thought it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Granted, my brain came up with three items that I had ingredients for so who am it to question?
So my friends, I just wanted to check in with the blogosphere and I hope you will check in with me. Today it’s about the spices apparently. The ginger, the cloves, the nutmeg, and the comfort foods, sweeping my daughter’s hair, planting the seeds, and maybe Rosie the Riveter will show up later, but I’m okay…we’re all okay. We’re doing the best we can. Keep on keeping on friends. Until next post!